Dancing like it was MCMXCIX !!!

Watching Dick Clark in Time square, New York. He looks great. Good by 1999!

Computer unplugged, water & canned food under the bed. Okay, Y2K come and get me!

BAILEYS IN COFFEE MEANS ALCOHOL AND CAFFEINE MEANS LOOK HOW MANY TIMES I CAN JUMP UP AND DOWN OW OW I MEANT TO DO THAT WHEE I'M A PIRATE

I name this cork 'The Tom Cruise'. ....I can't get the damn thing to come out.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS PLAYS IT SAFE RIDES TO PAUSE BECAUSE OF Y2K CONCERN. http://ow.ly/RfHm

Las Vegas ready for Barbra Streisand and Y2K http://ow.ly/RgPc

U.S. President Bush has indicated he wants to see bin Laden "dead or alive."

Pets.com just opened February 1999. It sales pet supplies and with all the pet lovers it will be a big hit. PS love their sock puppet.

U.S., Russia conduct tests at Y2K center http://ow.ly/RfWn

So. New Years. Not doing the resolution thingie, so maybe a theme. Howzabout ... "exploration." My word for the year. Explore ... whatever!

so my brother was the 1st to start telling his New Years Resolution (lies)....lol

Pets.com just opened February 1999. It sales pet supplies and with all the pet lovers it will be a big hit. PS love there sock puppet.

New for 2000 "Java Script"?? U of Michigan and Schlumberger develop tiny Web server. http://ow.ly/Rr9O

Clintons busy with duties before dawn of 2000 http://ping.fm/qkw3F

Just heard Apple is working on this digital tape player called 'iPod' that holds 5GB of music. I don't know if it will take off.

LOCAL OFFICIALS ANTICIPATE FEW Y2K-RELATED PROBLEMS. http://ow.ly/Rfxk

Party on, London, party on http://ow.ly/RfY2

Have to go shopping for those last min. Y2K supplies. Don't forget the batteries and radio.

RP @DustyTrice "Rush Limbaugh was taken to Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu. The same hospital where Obama was born." Rush: I'M IN KENYA?

RP @carbonKim I hope Rush Limbaugh is saved by a black lesbian doctor with a questionable immigration status

So relaxed I could melt.

Back from a great xmas gift/vacation to my fav resort spa! Had to give up my phone/laptop, so no post for the last 4days.

You get into the car it doesn't start and say "Not Now!". Is there ever a "NOW!"?

As an optimist I feel pretty lucky. Thousands of people die every day and it's never me. Be thankful for the everyday things.

We always want what we don't have and once we have it want more.

Milk and cookies glued to the coffee table. Freshly tarred roof. Rope in hand. Now we wait. .... It's a catch and release.

My mother has lost her voice. It's a Christmas miracle! Love u mom!

Tracking Santa on Christmas Eve. http://ow.ly/OLrg

At Mall: A 3 yr girl just proclaimed "I love Dr. Pecker!" Insert joke here.

I think instead of shopping for presents, I'll just tell everyone that Santa overshot the rooftop.

What is it about Christmas shopping that makes everyone's face appear more round and punchable?

....4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtledoves..and a jar of Betty Crocker Fraw-sting. (the partridge can suck it)

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Seriously these are grown people with whom I used to discuss complex issues; art, life, politics, who now tend imaginary farms on facebook.

I'm cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.

Burning 1000 calories is easy! I burned the pizza.

My holiday diet of eggnog and rum cake hasn't really helped my waistline but it's done wonders for my personality.

How to Celebrate Festivus. Dec. 23 http://ow.ly/FkpA

Money-saving laundry tip: smell each item multiple times until you can no longer tell if it's clean or dirty. Voilà! No need to do laundry.

Ya ever just want to empty a clip into your laundry instead of doing it?

A friends friend is talking about the crazy parties he went to while on his college bowling team. I don't think I can keep from laughing.

7;50pm If I go to bed right now when I wake up Ill realize today was all a dream.

Do you ever wonder if you are capable of not fucking things up? Ne meither.

Dec 21st is the shortest day of the year. Thank god, I need this day over.

It must be Monday?!

Can you at least wait until I'm done explaining my idea before you start making faces?

Did you ever have one of those days that you just cant avoid having mud in your face

In spite of my faults, I have excellent bad judgment.

NEVER congratulate a lady on her pregnancy UNLESS SHE TELLS YOU SHE'S PREGNANT. Some times it's just FAT. Oops.

12:55pm A belated good morning. I still haven't quite woken up. I hate eggnog w/whiskey. Ouch.

It sure takes a long time for Alka-Seltzer to dissolve in eggnog. Good night

Going home in backseat shes upset at me Manuel thinks it funny.

Thats not a candy cane but u can lick it if youd like. Hehe Oh, to much eggnog. ok maybe the whiskey in the eggnog, u think?

Great party. Have to hide my texting, she hates it when i text. I'll take another eggnog!

They say things look good grouped in 3s. I totally agree. Seeing myself sammiched between my 2 fav people is very aesthetically pleasing :)

Last min. shopping 4 my last Xmas party of the year. One of the few the three of us will go together.

Help save Santa. Jack Bauer Interrogates Santa Claus http://ow.ly/NfaD

Procrastinators Rejoice! http://ow.ly/N7Sy

Proposing name change from 'Democratic Party' to the 'Victim Party' because we're getting screwed. Pass the lube please. (thx mark)

Dear Santa, I have your elves. This year send me what i ask for, or these suckers are lawn ornaments.

repost: "Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging."

SAD, that time of the year. 'Seasonal Asshole Disorder'.

@danger_ranger URBAN MEMORY-the old BurningMan office in SanFrancisco falls to the wrecking ball: http://bit.ly/8cpha3

The Twitter Police is Watching You. http://ping.fm/edtSG

I've just been put in time-out! Can she do that? I guess I'll think about it while I sit in the corner.

Stanford study claims that watching less TV can lead to weight loss. http://ping.fm/Cz0se

Bit.ly Goes Pro, Tells Goo.gl To Suck.it http://ping.fm/RYfn9

Tiger Woods' corporate sponsors are pulling out just in time, but he's already familiar with this method.

The only way my neighbors coffee could be any more disgusting is if it was being spit into my mouth by the dog.

Bit.ly Just Got Fu.kd: Facebook And Google Get Into The Short URL Game. http://ow.ly/Mgie

Hey, where did the weekend go? I was robbed! But I had fun, fun, FUN!!!

What a great sunny day for snowboading. Had a great time.

Xmas party was better then expected. Good food, good friends, big blast. Two down, two to go.

Overheard her talking about measuring balls. I'm hoping & praying she was talking about Christmas ornaments... But then again, never mind...

More Vicodin.....I mean Coffee.

I'm sure the House Blend compliments the pumpkin scone quite nicely but I'm looking for a coffee that pairs well with Vicodin.

Going out for breakfast as soon as I find the snow shovel.

ADAM SANDLER HANUKKAH SONG http://ping.fm/MQ4de

10 Ways Social Media Will Change In 2010
http://ping.fm/9C0E6

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends. Hanukkah begins at sundown on Friday December 11

Start your day with a nice cup of coffee... rather than heroin.

"STFU". My Hero! http://ping.fm/vHsTd

Aaahh!!! Both shower pipes frozen (outside pipe walls). Sponge bath time, just like )'(

Coffee and Red Bull? Hmmm, let me think about that.

I could get used to this cold weather if the results are cuddling to keep warm ☺

I'm starting to think the CIA programmed me to kill upon hearing the song 'Jingle Bell Rock.'

Ouch! I knew yesterdays -ouch- snowboarding -ouch- would catch -ouch- up to me. I'm going -ouch- back to bed -ouch-

Oh, why must my muscles always ripple like a really buff prowling jaguar?! (Hey, we all have our fantasies. I dont make fun of yours)

Mmmmm roasted rabbit mmmm. And that's why you don't go shopping at the pet store while hungry.

What a great time snowboarding today. Ouch, I'm I going to be sore tomorrow. http://ping.fm/LHt9p

Glenn Beck has a movie? I didn't know this, Apparently I wasn't the only one. http://ping.fm/OXjk1

AT&T still sucks. I keep finding problems with my account(web lookup). AT&T: "evryting fine in our screen." Next bill will till. 1.5hr lost

I meant to do that. Just not at that moment.

Having a "blond" moment.

snow ÷ cold + fireplace x two = snuggling with someone special

snowing

Manuel in still having food cravings. Mangoes now. (twin sister is pregnant)

I discovered the best way to untangle Christmas lights is with scissors. Hey, it works

When the Romans plotted the constellations, why oh why didn't they use the "Joy of Sex". Uvula Major I would remember.

Going to Planetarium tonight.

If anyone is wandering about with a pie, you're welcome to drop by. I have forks.

I’m all for helpful beeps and boops at the ATM, but that cricket fallowed by laughter sound effect was completely uncalled for.

Mom would be so proud. I just ate all the dehydrated vegetables in my cup o' soup.

Is it time to celebrate Festivus?

If I toggle real fast between MSBNC and Fox News, I think I can almost see the truth.

If Darwin's theory had been Survival of the Sittest, my lazy ass would be at the top of the food chain tonight.

Loving these sick care packages. Just might be sick all week. (wink, wink)

Black Friday * Cyber Monday * Encore Tuesday. Whats next? ??Leftover Wednesday??How else can we get into their wallets Thursday??

Well that didn't take long received my first "Sick Care Package" from aunt

Have a headache, fever, aches and pains. Can I get medical marijuana? ...you know, cuz I'm sick

Going back to bed.

Call from my mother 1st thing this morning because she had a dream about me. How do they know when your sick? My room must be bugged!

Up from nap. I had this nightmare it was dark

No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap. NAP TIME!

What I need is an assassin on retainer. Just for days like this. lol

I'm posting so much I may unfriend myself. It's therapeutic somehow. It's either this or a shotgun.

Don't mute me, bro!

I’ll see your don’t give a rat’s ass and raise you a could give a shit.

I just censored myself so you KNOW it was bad.

What would Jesus buy? Nothing he would donate/volunteer to the less fortunate.

Had so much coffee this morning my mouth tastes like I went down on Juan Valdez. And his donkey.

Boy just came up2me with an idea4how to make $ to buy his ipod. It was essentially a simple Ponzi scheme. Whr do they pick up these things?

Love is.... Going out on Black Friday because she asked u 2. My new mantra. Love is... Love is...

I just saw a man in the parking lot either masturbating or having a seizure in his car.
Either way, I'm going to leave him alone.

Oh nothing, just gonna stumble around this parking lot until it's time to go.

Well, I wouldn't call it a "wanton orgy of blood" per se, Your Honor.

You need to get out here because if this goes bad I need someone to help me bury the body(s)!

Stupid people: Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

Some kid keeps spiting out the pacifier. Where's the duct tape when u need it? It would work!

Black Friday is a time for coming together and pushing old people out of the way for a good deal.

There r just certain places that unless u r 100% sure you can contain ur rage that you shouldn't go, this is one of them.

Black 'eye' Friday a national day of madness. Madness I Say! Shot me now, shot me now.

Parking Wars! IT BEGINS. help

4:15am Okay, ready to be Black 'EYE' Friday mule/blocker. Honey where's the taser?

Helmet: check. Elbow/knee pads: check. Brass knuckles: check. Ok I'm ready for tomorrow.

So am I crazy enough to go shopping on Black Friday?? I think not. ....yes, dear. What time dear? I'll set the alarm, dear. mumble..mumble..

I don't remember eating that seventh plate. I must be suffering yamnesia.

May tomorrow be a reflection of this day. Happy Thanksgiving.

If an alien was to watch commercials during a football game, it would think all we do is drink beer and talk on our cell phones with boners.

"...is a goddamned deadbeat, and his wife is a stupid whore. Happy Thanksgiving, you motherfuckers!
"Nobody gives a toast like grandpa."

At a loss for gratitude? Consider that you have a computer, web access, and the freedom to say ANYTHING you want.

Lord: We're grateful that our families haven't found us on Facebook/Twitter. That would be embarrassing for many of us. Amen.

Lettuce not forget the salad chopper this Thanksgiving. (ok, so shoot me. lol)

Having dinner w/my family tonight. Quick! I need conversation topics that prevent discussions of 1)my job or lack of 2)children 3)feelings.

'Bab' need some last min things from store. Going to help get some of the cooking started. Have a busy day ahead.

Off to do my "Thanksgiving thing" before spending it with family and friends.

Iam thankful for having some of the best people in my life and the best friends on this planet...especially my two special loves. S U later

2 days till the the country goes crazy as people are up before the light of day....to help their fellow man? Volunteer? Buy American? or....

BLACK Friday is something Obama started. Tea baggers unit and stop this government take over!!!

Friend just called to say that she's now a size 4. Her Xmas gift is going to be a 'cake of the month membership' (What the hell is a size4?)

Even my dog is angry at my morning breath.

T minus 3 days till the Running of the Fools. Not you dear.

"Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response." -- Mildred Barthel.

If you donate blood... does it have to be your own?

Friend: Went cougar hunting, at Victoria's Secret last night. He bagged him a wild one.

Black Friday is the day u can beat the crap out of someone over "Have to have that giant LCD TV or I'm worthless as a human bean" day!

Wonders how many people will be killed shopping on Black Friday?

Word Of The Day: Cobbler (shoe repair). Yes, they really do exist!

I think it's time I told my dog his adopted. I think he'll take it well, his mom was a bitch!

Black Friday is in 4 days, do we start camping at WalMart now or is that tomorrow night?

If u liked "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog". http://ping.fm/q0d0v You'll like the new Prequel. "Horrible Turn" http://ping.fm/RpFZi

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Don't worry. I tire me too.

pingfmPeople that should be first in line to get H1N1 flue shots: MALL SANTAS!

Okay, time to do some real shopping and supporting the local "Ma & Pa" stores.

I don't go to Walmart for the cheap prices. I go to Walmart for the adventure.

Slipping condoms into carts of little old ladies & watching the checker's reaction. (the devil inside)

Guys! Free pubes at Walmart!! There's TONS! I only took as many as I could carry! Hurry! THEY'RE FREE!!!

Today must be . “Beat the Shit Out of Your Child at Walmart Day.”

$5 DVD bin at Walmart. Swine Flu here I come.

In anticipation of the Healthcare Reform Walmart will be creating Clinics in the store. Walmart Hospitals to follow?! Sounds good.

Friends philosophy on a Cold: tequila a cold, vodka a fever or was it whiskey a cold, rum a fever? Same difference.

If at first you don’t succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool ...too late. Hey, I never said I wasn't

It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity. -The Matrix Revolutions

Watching The Matrix Revolutions agin.

The only thing better than coffee in the morning is side boob.

Is it just me or do birth control packaging look like a roulette wheels? I don't feel good about this.

San Francisco Bay Bridge closed after repair falls apart http://ow.ly/x0qh

America Is Now the Most Admired Country Globally, from 7th last year. http://ow.ly/t2Gk No thanks to "those" that want us to fail.

Rush Limbaugh In Bid For St. Louis Rams? http://ow.ly/t1SL If he buys the Rams, does he have to take the same drug tests as the players?

WTF: Is the Bible too liberal? Conservapedia's attempt to weed out "liberal bias" from modern Bible translations. http://ow.ly/t1mk

Know what that jackhammer needs? A SILENCER! One of you could make millions if you would invent that, so please start working on it, okay?

I think these left overs have been in my fridge for over a week. Good thing spaghetti never goes bad. Right!? RIGHT?

Republicans are independent thinkers who all come up with identical talking points. Because there told to & it's the "Truth".

Sir. Your beard is talking. Do...do you have lips in there? You're scaring me.

Having banana for lunch that is at least a foot long and as thick as my wrist. I'll have to put some Barry White on before I eat it.

My toast is like a phoenix rising from its ashes. It is reborn. As charcoal.

I didn't mind the spider-bite so much. It was the waking up encased in webbing with my innards liquefied & sucked out that I was not fond of

When you tell someone "Don't get smart with me", ...are you asking them to be stupid?

ARGH THERE IS TOO MUCH INTERNET. Movie, popcorn and snuggle time!

If surfing the internet eating cookies in my underwear on a Friday night makes me a loser, oh like you have room to judge.

What would Gandhi say? $23,000. Pen. Gold. In his name.

I was all excited to do my special swirl technique for him but he did it by himself and we're talking about baking cookies you sickos.

Ready for my cookie! What only sugar cookies?! Going home make our own.

Ok, His really 116lb. He made me post this. Still sitting this out.

I think he needs to sit this one out

You have to weigh at least 110 to give blood? Manuel barely makes it, with keys & change in pocket.

Manuel & I on the way to give/donate blood. Join us.

@RexHuppke If Obama was anything like Bush he'd have been on an aircraft carrier under a "Mission Accomplished" banner hours ago.

Now I feel bad, need 2 clean karma/do penance. How about donating blood tonight. Whoo, what a Friday night.

Two coughs one sneeze. His gone. The devil inside : )

I think Monk just sat next to me. Used 15 antiseptic pads on the park bench. I plan on coughing and sneezing a lot.

Congratulations to Rio. Here's where the "right" starts the "Failure of Obama" "He already had his plate full" "why" etc.

"If you tell a child a thousand times and they still do not get it, it is not the child that is the slow learner" posted on a teacher's wall

Saturn is being shut down by GM? First Pluto, and now this?!

Kiss to wake-up to. Coffee and eggs in bed. a little loving. Running shower. WHO DIED?!

When you experience something simple, your thoughts do not have to consider how to use it, so you are free to simply enjoy the experience.

Friend wouldn't stop quoting STAR WARS. While strangling him, his last words were "Please...stop!" is that from EMPIRE or JEDI?

My car keys unfollowed me.

Anyone have a Google Wave invite? Thanks

You know, I'm just gonna say it, sometimes I question the validity of these so-called 'fortune' cookies.

I've already been an asshole this morning. Good thing I got that out of the way!

There may be no rest for the wicked, but, I don't get much anyway. Tell me there's no coffee for the wicked, & I might get nervous.

If you're a Whisky connosr you're going to love this page. http://ow.ly/s4JB

Anyone have a Wave Invite? Thanks agin for the Brizzly invite.

Swine flu season is already in full swing on college campuses. When get drunk at frat party and make out season starts we're in trouble.

Having a salad for lunch. SOMEONE BRING ME ICE CREAM NOW AND NO ONE NEED GET HURT.

Sarah Palin jokes. Like shooting fish in a barrel from a helicopter.

Sarah Palin jumping over and back of an invisible line outside her house: "I'm in Russia. Now I'm not. Now I am. Now I'm not."

How the book was explained to Palin: "It's like the Facebook posts we write for you -- only more and on bound paper."

You want to be a hero? Shop at your Ma & Pa store. Support small business

Well, that's another Wal Mart I'm not allowed back into

Let's see if I get kicked out of Wal-Mart if I talk back to the self-checkout.

This shopping cart needs a horn.

In Wal-Mart, no one can hear you scream.

In a "White Trash" mood. Wear wife-beater, park car on lawn, breakfast at Denny's, shop at WalMart & talk about guns. Just call me Earl.

Peeing with the door open. BECAUSE I CAN.

2009 Sierra Firefighters Triple Threat Challenge October 2-4 2009 at the Grand Sierra Resort and Casino http://ow.ly/qqiT

At repair shop, getting lubed and muffled. Not as hot as it sounds.

I gotta go. Can one of you guys make fun of Glenn Beck for me until I get back? It's not that hard.

Just for fun. Alice in Wonderland Monologue/Mosaic/Song? http://ow.ly/rIWU

Kids and Fox News have a lot in comin They both try and drown out the other one so you cant hear anything.

Help, being attacked (dogpile) by little people.

After babysitting (ok in the same rm with), playing and feeding pre-schoolers, I think I can appreciate god's dilemma with man.

A more effective sign than "children at play" to slow drivers would be "Police hide with radar on this street" or "Police shot speeders"

Sesame Street, please stop putting your characters in kids' juice boxes. I just heard a kid ask for "Big Bird juice," and that's just wrong.

Helping Manuel look after his nephews/cousins.

Came back from the bank with 3 rolls of quarters in my front pocket. And discovered a great way to avoid having to share the elevator.

Latin is a cursed language. Everybody that ever spoke it is dead. Spooky.

MORE COFFEE OR THE PUPPY GETS IT.

National Coffee Day. I will celebrate with manic enthusiasm, interrupted only by a few hundred pee breaks.

I ate so much garlic tonight, vampire safe!

At Sports Bar: So, if you're a man's man, that mean's you're gay, right?

Joe the Plumber endorsing "MICROMAN USA". You would have thought "they" would have learned from the name "Teabagging". http://ow.ly/rxa2

Are E.T.s washing Fox News and saying "no intelligent life on that rock"

Quit your bitching and think of all the empty freeways in Africa starving for traffic.

All I have to say is that people should refrain from wearing shiny brown lipstick.

Just bought an Easy Button. Surprisingly cheap. Annoyingly ineffective.

The light at the end of the tunnel is flashing yellow. I'm not sure what to do.

The future is trying to kill me.

Does anyone have a Brizzly invite I can use? Thanks.

GUNS FOR VOTES?!? Things that make you go hmmm http://ow.ly/rsT8

It sucks that I'm old enough to say that I listened to Green Day BEFORE they discovered eyeliner. Ok it just sucks.

It must be Monday?!

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."

It’s always fun when Jeanne wakes up pissed at me for something I did in her dream.

*sigh* she has cramps, which means for the next few days I'll be playing the part of an asshole.

Do I still have to go to medical school if I just wanna be the guy who yells "CLEAR"!?

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle http://ow.ly/r7C6

Oh dear, I should sneak this dead body out of here. If the neighbors see I've killed yet another plant, my reputation will be soiled!

I'm dating the "Energizer Bunny" I can't walk straight. From dancing, get your mind out of the gutter.

Oh Sunday. Your quiet puts my mind at ease. But your promise of tomorrow reminds me of responsibility. Sunday, you are a fickle bitch.

Homemade french toast, bacon & OJ, with a side of smile. Pretty much the perfect breakfast. Ok, whose inviting me over.

Something about your 4 AM drunk and bitter tweets tells me you went out last night determined to get lucky, and failed.

I hate this whole "being up" thing.

Life is good!

Busted! Caught posting. later.

Love is.... sharing your croutons.

I could never wait tables; there's NO WAY I could ask customers if they wanted me to toss their salad without laughing.

At a restaurant. I see a couple, neither of them speaking to each other, bored waiting for food. So sad.

Three of us going out tonight dinner, walk by the river & dancing.

Motorcycles all over the place. Street vibrations weekend!!

Why would you beat a dead horse? Why would you beat a LIVING horse? Why would you beat a horse at all? Let's stop the horse beatings now.

The U.N. is about solving world problems, right? So why is all the news about the "MAD MEN"? I was waiting 4 some one to say "you lie"

Damn, I know the buffet on Wednesday was a big mistake. Gained 5lb. Have to dance it off tonight.

The problem with borrowing money from China is that an hour later, you just feel broke again.

Would u drink coffee made from beans that fall out of a CAT'S ASS? Now would u pay $600 a lb for it or $30 for a 4oz cup ? http://ow.ly/ra36

Oh you know, just another typical Friday night Googling "What to do on a Friday night".Maybe I should actually do it? What&ruin the fantasy?

Hotel rent sex toys!?! Really. http://ping.fm/r56Dl

RP: How disappointing. When you google "google" you actually get results. The screen should come up with "YOU FUCKING RETARD" instead.

Just for the cute factor. http://ping.fm/PwSuI

Hooray, email at 0! ...two ...three DAMN!

LOOK lady, I wasn't staring - I was admiring how well that bluetooth piece complements your wife beater & paint-splattered sweats ensemble.

Just got a package in the mail and was asked "Is it drugs?" I didn't know I could get them delivered!!! Now I hate this dumb camera.

Ever sit on the toilet so long you cut off circulation in your legs? Yeah, me neither. But... Can you help me stand up?

OH: You know it's bad when you have to give yourself a courtesy flush. Dame McDonalds.

I dont think there ever was a Hamburglar. If there really was a Hamburglar, he’d totally be on America’s Most Wanted.

Lunch time. Manuel wants McDonalds happy meal, its times like this I'm remaindered how young he is. I feel old :(

Things that make you go hmmm. If I were a terrorist, and I didn't want to be caught, I would lose the unruly beard. Just saying.

Susan Atkins has died. My heart goes out to the entire Manson Family (not). http://ow.ly/r5GN

Someday, I'm going to say something that will make you stop and say WOW!! .....someday.

Trying to read email....can't concentrate....may need to go steal the neighbor kid's Ritalin

My Gmail inbox is at 140—I always notice when things are 140!

RP: @wilw Not sure if this is funny because it's true, or sad because it's true. Maybe a little of both (picture, SFW): http://is.gd/3DnGW

RP:It doesn't take a genius to figure out that, if the new HIV vaccine is 31% effective, you now have to wear a condom only 69% of the time.

A 19-pound newborn? That baby's lifestyle disgusts me. http://ow.ly/qX3V

Now that Tom Delay is on dancing with the stars, I think it's time MC Hammer got into politics.

RP@thejohnblog Hey! If you watch FOX News without sound, but with audio of the "Munah-Munah" skit from the Muppet Show, it makes more sense!

RP @christophgreen: In honor of National Punctuation Day, I salute the semi-colon; its infrequent use must give many people pause.

With the right editing, my life could totally be a movie that goes straight to DVD (bottom shelf)

Picking my nose looking for an as yet undiscovered G-spot.

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." Albert Einstein

Decaf is to coffee what two people holding hands is to hardcore porn.

Why do they call it the *United* Nations?

Went to buffet. Bad idea. Still weigh less than before )'(

Something about Glenn Beck makes me want to kick him to his home planet.

Taking Manuel to the dentist

RP: AT&T. Try pouring some Drano® down your network to unclog things.

FDA Banishes Cloves From Cigarettes. I'm predicting groups of goths across the country will be wearing black in mourning. http://ow.ly/qD2z

Looked in the mirror with razor & shaving gel in hand and asked... What would Jesus do? Maybe tomorrow.

If God had had a Twitter account, it would have taken a lot more than six days to create the world....

I don't get this whole "safe sex" thing. I feel kinda dumb wearing a reflective vest every time.

It's like that woman had never seen someone crying at a ATM machine before. It's called a recession you judgmental wench.

The first day of fall is here. Autumn Begins!

I agree with Barney Frank, I miss Sarah Palin. She always made me laugh. From the Jay Leno show. She has a gift.

Received my first invite (verbal) for Halloween party. Havent even thought about costume. Any ideas? Underdog last year.

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin

"find your father here" sign outside of the low income housing church is going to end in tears for some small child.

Almost forgot need to drop off some winter clothes at the mission.

Parenting tip(from nonparent):if your kids get 2 hyper, put on the death scene in TheLionKing & remind them it's the kids fault the dad dies

playground: kid having a tantrum, what lungs. Reminds me of the punk dance "the worm" no glass.

Happiness is like wetting your pants — everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth.

playground: Kids mom hasn't noticed that he has peed in his pants

I love having such a cute, well behaved kid on the playground. Which is why I should stick to borrowing this one and not have my own.

There's a room in Hell where you sit alone being forced to listen to nothing but Rush Limbaugh broadcasts.

We're in a RECESSION here. Some people just might call me a goddamn patriot for eating that cheese I dropped on the floor.

Making soymilk

Worlds Ugliest Women Shoes. My favorites are a toss up between Maxi Pads Slippers & Fish-Flops http://ow.ly/qoRo

I'm thinking of starting an insurance company. In small print "you can be denied a claim if you have had cephalgia in your past."

Any State with a Name that Begins with the Letter “U”. http://ow.ly/qq3Z

Tom Delay dancing with the stars tonight. "Break a leg" in fact you can break both legs, u have the health insurance.

If you could hear my stomach right now, you'd think tequila was picking a fight with beer. So, thats why i don't drink.

If I ever host a sports show, it will be called SportsTime, but it won't be very good because I dont really care about "professional" sports

So many guys in football jerseys at this bar. My shirt has a tiny silhouette of a polo player riding a horsey so I'm pretty sporty 2. Right?

Free Beer is my friends Bat Signal

I need to go too laundromat more often. That was quite the adventure.

A friend: I think the biggest difference between a PB&J sandwich and eating pussy is my mother gets rid of the crust on the PB&J.

I love "Tuesdays" let the adventures continue.

Some girls need to be more realistic about what's written on the back of their shorts, like this girl should have "LOT'S OF CHOCOLATE CAKE".

A friend: In the laundromat watching some stranger's panties on spin & says "this is the closest I'm getting to seeing any action tonight."

At laundromat: According to the kid next 2me, boogers taste like apple juice. Seems unbelievable, but ill need to take his word for it.

Going to laundromat to de-dust my sleeping bag.

A friend: "I just saw two boys outside playing cops and robbers. Idiots were totally clueless that they can play that same game on Xbox" :(

I think the baby next to me shit....smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem.

I was suddenly struck by a thought. Luckily, I wasn't injured.

At petstore: A fish is slapping a snail around the aquarium. I don't know if it's trying 2 hurt him, or he just hasn't said his safeword yet

I love Tuesdays

It's Tuesday NOW, because I say so!!

Is it Tuesday yet?

I can't wait for the future so I can romanticize this goddamned moment.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

Monday is the root of all evil.

♫Good Morning Good Morning to♫.... Oh fuck it where's my COFFEE!!

It wasn't me, It was the dog. (sorry Bear)

God. Neil Patrick Harris is going to get so much pussy tonight. His boyfriend is going to be.....

Scientists make paralyzed rats run again. It seems to me this will only make the rat problem worse. http://ow.ly/qfSN

If you rub Preparation H on certain people, will they disappear?

Insane killer and fair escapee arrested near Goldendale. http://ow.ly/qepW

Taking Bear 2c his friends at the doggy park

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. James F. Bymes

Sarah Palin inspires new opera. Titled "Say It Ain't So, Joe." http://ow.ly/qdff http://ow.ly/qdfq

Today @ Legends Sparks Marina Navy Band Passages Free Concert! 3 to 5p http://ow.ly/qddR

Dropped the deodorant in the toilet. I guess I can still use it, though. Who will know? Besides all of you, I mean.

Twilight drops her curtain down, and pins it with a star. Good night all.

69, mmmmm. How I like that number.

Wow, It's surprising what a pair of 4 in stiletto heels will do to a casual black dress. Looks fine from back here!

Having a romantic dinner. Where are my pants?

Going 2 make beef stroganoff for dinner. Heh Heh..*stroking off*. Okay, so I'm 5 :)

I think it's going to be a quiet night at home. Need to spend some alone time with Jeanne. Mmmm romantic dinner, what 2 make!?

"You know he poops from there, right, jackass?" What my friends wife said to him.

20 Most Bizarre Craigslist Adverts Of All Time. Craigslist reputation for hosting some of the oddest adverts on the net. http://ow.ly/q7eV

FCC to Take a Stand on Net Neutrality. http://ow.ly/q78x

Backyard, coffee, paper, Bear by my feet. Life is good

Enjoying the morning

What a mess.Wheres the "vacuum". Here Bear, here Bear.

POPCORN FIGHT!!!

How am I supposed to sleep knowing that there are Death Eaters running amok!?

Harry Potter movie marathon.

Rewriting ‘God Bless America’. More hate. Wasn't it just 5 yrs ago it was "If you don't like it leave" http://ow.ly/q4g9

CNN's Rick Sanchez blasts Fox News Channel: You lie! http://ow.ly/q3ti

"If there are any questions, direct them to that brick wall over there." Network President

How does email pile up so? I'm reading them really.... here i go.

)'( BRC photo form sky. Can u c your camp/tent? http://ow.ly/pUSN

360 view Temple Burn pic http://ow.ly/pUQy

Ok, I'm going to sit down and read my email. After I check my post, post some pics & just say HI!

"University of I dont remember"

I don't have the energy to go out tonight. Maybe a nap would do it?

Tea baggers are at it again. So full of hate.

Still have the sore throat I woke up with. Hurts to swallow

Joe Wilson Voted to Provide Taxpayer Money for Illegal Immigrants' Healthcare. http://ow.ly/p3qH

It's nice to see an old guy driving a Prius. I mean, he's trying to save a planet he's not going to be on for much longer. That's nice.

Facebook Lite. http://ping.fm/OOv9O

Unpacking/cleaning covered in dust, feels good. Would it be 2 much if I rolled in it?

Should Joe Wilson be punished for shouting "you lie!" at President Obama last night? Vote in NPR Poll. http://ow.ly/oSwe

Whats happening in Reno, Nevada? Take a look at the Reno Passport. http://ow.ly/oRuv

I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that any family values candidate is humping something he shouldn't be.

Well, looks like Joe Wilson won the "Yell at the President and win a blowjob from Rush Limbaugh" contest.

I see normal people

Shower, warm bed, hot breakfast. Almost normal. Is that good?

Watch some news? See what Ive missed

back to the real life.

"Wen picking up. The storm been predicted tonight."

"Wen picking up. The storm been predicted tonight."

)'( favorite pastime? Nose piking. You have to get the dust out somehow.

)'(s Yellow Bike Program Returns! http://ow.ly/kM32

Packing is a lot like Tetris ...but with packing you can redo till u get it (almost) right.

Packing is a lot like Tetris

Octomom in a Blender. http://ping.fm/mtjZl

Do You Wanna Date My Avatar video. http://ping.fm/SHNZy

If I could live my life backwards I could have...

Needs careful packing. Neon )'( http://ping.fm/O7XAg

Found Mallet. Must have had selective amnesia because I got it back in this condition. http://ping.fm/lIy0r

Water containers and coolers clean. Hands smell like bleach now.

Still can't find my mallet! Did I get it back last year??

RP mariangoodell )'( founder Larry Harvey's son's Man tatoo http://bit.ly/13OTe6 via: @danger_ranger, @heathervescent, @geekytattoos

Air guitar championships!? Do I not get it?? http://ow.ly/la6s

)'( Top Ten ART PROJECTS And Then Some. http://ow.ly/kM2c

R u hydrating? Start drinking water.

)'( is 95 percent anticipation & 110 experience.

Things are exciting over here. Busy and crazy and exciting.

What is your first thought when you wake up?

I saw Santa today!!

)'( Quote: "Having sex with you is like having sex with Pigpen."

Note to Starbucks: it's FREEZING in here. I haven't spent this much time with my nipples since . . .

Off to the hostel 2visit old friends!

)'( GERLACH LIVE WEBCAM http://ow.ly/dFlb

How To Block Ads in Your Facebook Profile. I love it! http://ow.ly/kUlo

Apple Answers the FCC's questions about Google voice app http://ow.ly/kU8x

Alcohol Fuels Violent Behavior and Marijuana Does Not-A Former Police Chief on New Marijuana Book. http://ow.ly/kKLz

)'( Quote: "I added a little food coloring. It's artistic. I'm being artistic!"

“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.” Willy Wonka. So let the nonsense begin!!

Calif. Senate Passes Plan To Release Inmates Early. http://ow.ly/kM6N

Zzzzzz: The Science Of Sleep at )'( http://ow.ly/kLAY

Cash for Clunkers car incentives to end on Monday, according to reports. http://ow.ly/kLsy

)'( HOT TIPS ON COOL DRINKS http://ow.ly/dFmh

10 Drugs Not To Take Before Driving to )'( http://ow.ly/kvrA

So much to do so little time. But I'm not in the mood to do anything today. Cant I just sit here and pick my nose for a while?

Whats Happening in Afghanistan right NOW. Click on the interactive map and find out. http://ow.ly/kKsi

Check out just some of the amazing artwork that will be coming to )'(. Download the audio art tour MP3s. http://ow.ly/kKpS

Burning Man is the sum total of the activities of its participants, and the ways to participate are as unlimited as one's imagination.

10 Asian Liquors Most Likely To Give You The Creeps. http://ow.ly/kvpS

BLM Land Closures Around )'( http://ow.ly/kvsS

Rangers = Rangers are your friends. They are not the law. They're there to help U. http://ow.ly/dpW7

Numbers to remember when transporting water to the playa: 1 gal of water=8.34 lb. 1 gal of water=3.75L. U need 1.5 to 3 gal of water per day

RP blackrockcityNeat-o interactive map of BRC built from placement & themecamps lists by @jes5199 — http://tr.im/wxYj #bman09

Aaaaahhhhhh Monday. Is sanity madness put to good use?

Watermelon... mmmm

Bike flat, fixed! Chains, oiled! Next?

)'( Quote: "Where are my pants?"

Happy with a smile! That feels good.

Having a bicycle at Burning Man is crucial. http://ow.ly/dFlG

My aunt is taking me to lunch. Shes trying to rejoin me to the real world.

}'( Playa Tips: HELOISE OF THE PLAYA. http://ow.ly/dFkh

)'( Trivia: What year was BLACK ROCK GAZETTE newspaper last circulated? http://ow.ly/8PQU

)'( Terms to know: Leave No Trace = http://ow.ly/dpHq

)'( Terms to know: PissClear = If your not pissing clear your not drinking enough water. DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

)'( Quote: "That's how we end burning man, man! By burning the man!"

)'( Term to know: MOOP = Matter Out Of Place. "pick up your moop" If it doesn't belong on the playa, pick it up. Yours or not. Thanks

Can't make it to the playa? How To Enjoy The )'( Experience From The Comfort Of Your Own Home http://ow.ly/3VFu

PREPARATION FOR BURNING MAN
Q. What should I bring to )'(? http://ow.ly/8P9m

)'( Trivia: From what year to what year did the alternative newspaper PISS CLEAR circulate at )'( arts festival? http://ow.ly/8PqK

An optimist sees the wine glass as half full; a pessimist notices that was the last bottle.

I'm very intimidated by people who are good at video games. I think I have a different social hierarchy than most people.

RT Federal law enforcement attempting to ban knives at BurningMan, yet occurrence of knife brandishing is less than that of frying pans

Did Obama's "acted stupidly" speech make him a "black" President instead of everyone's President??

Oh man...that stuff I like to eat...I ate too much of that stuff. ♨

Comic-con = virgins or Virgins = Comic-con? The chicken or the egg?

John Barry, inventor of WD-40, dies at age 84. Rust in Peace

"I don't need medical insurance. When I was in NYC a psychic read my palm and said there were NO illnesses in my future." friend of a friend

Decaf coffee is like a hooker with just a torso. I'll have real coffee!

The New Mad Hatter, Johnny Depp. http://ow.ly/i4hz

How to Backup your tweets http://backupmytweets.com/
¿Backup¿ show me the delete key.

☞My tweets may not be backed up but I sure am.☜

Strange occurrence at Office Depot‽

Need to get off my ass shower and get some things done.
DMV, Hair cut, Office Depot, Home Depot, Groceries, Bank.
Etcetera. Etcetera.

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like porn bots and spam.
I do not like your follow scam.

Catching up with email.
If you sit very still you can hear the faint sound of my withering enthusiasm.

Been away from the computer for a week.
I'mm Baaack!
What I'd Miss?

The 37th Season of The Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival kicks off this weekend. With one of my fav Much Ado about Nothing http://ow.ly/4WN0

)'( Temple 2004 Burn. Somber moment http://ow.ly/5V3u

)'( Zoetropes. Kinetic sculptures give an animation effect @ night through a synchronized strobe flash http://ow.ly/g607 & http://ow.ly/g60M

What is "PLAYA FOOT" and how can i prevent it? http://ow.ly/gpLB

)'( Video of Mark II Shade Structure Design. http://ow.ly/gC9Y

I'm going to be spontaneous today July 7, 2009 at 1:45.

)'( The Women of The Man KCrew. Girl Power! http://ow.ly/gC88

New Burner )'( iPhone Apps http://ow.ly/gCe9

What's wrong with the Rep. party? They just keep imploding. pop. pop. pop. I do believe in a two-party system. Go GOP!!! bad taste in mouth

Being stupid is its own reward

Calling someone stupid doesn't make u any smarter. That being said.... All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

Happy 4th Of July 2 all?

Sarah Palin to resign as Alaska governor. http://ow.ly/gtrz I will miss her, she made me laugh & laugh & laugh! Who's left on the list??

Mad Max meets American Gladiators. In the desert )'( style! THUNDERDOME!! http://ow.ly/g5Wh

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Burned Man Loses Bid To Sue Burning Man Festival. http://ow.ly/gocb

)'( 2007: Spider vs Big Wheel Drag Race. What happens when the spider car drag races the big wheel... who will win? http://ow.ly/g5TQ

Not going to 4th of Juplaya. So..... To quote Mayday "BM prep binge"

Nevada State Fair Announces Return of $80 Car Load Night http://ow.ly/dyDm Nevada State Fair Aug 26-30 http://ow.ly/dyDA

Reno Artown Opening Night. Music: Richie Havens . Wingfield Park Free http://ow.ly/4WQa

stoping at the hostel. Kiwi and friends in town.