Excu--Excuse me Officer, do you party?

Top ten rules of boozing. http://ow.ly/8dFaW

Just finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy. Movie coming in March.

Playing Angry Birds!! Ok, ok Throwing chicken fingers at kids. SAME DIFFERENCE!?

Accidents happen. http://ow.ly/8dFcL

I blame seat belt & helmet laws for all the stupid people I encounter.

Calling someone stupid doesn't make u any smarter. That being said....

What... Tomorrow...already? Talk later 2 the Mall!!

Coffee Owl. http://ping.fm/JOXjG

Kids only like Christmas so much because they're not the ones who have to pay for it.

Karl Rove Payroll tax on fox news: "We have to find a way to declare victory." Win at any cost!?

White House asks: What does $40 per paycheck mean for you and your family? #40dollars

Three player chess board. I like! http://ping.fm/FV4M6

Sometimes you're the zipper, sometimes you're the nutsack. Today I'm the......

Words we still use that now make no sense:
“Dial “ a phone
“Don’t touch that dial”
Kodak Moments
Pen Pals
Records
Please be kind “Rewind”

Bike Lane. http://ow.ly/83fiW

How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?
……There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind. http://ping.fm/d7bz6

Having angel hair spaghetti. Do angels eat human hair pasta?

Newt Ginrich "Frankly, on every issue of his day, Scrooge was fundamentally correct." Bah, Humbug!

Defense measure still include indefinite detention of Americans on American soil?

Your fired! Trump fired from GOP debate.

Gilligan’s Island Home Movies. http://ping.fm/nc4Y1

Heavy Metal Holiday House. http://ping.fm/kqeRP

Save the best part of yourself, for yourself.

Sister Myotis on Thongs – Halleluja! Amen! http://ping.fm/QnVUN

You are an internet addict if …
1. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
2. All of your friends have an @ in their names.

One of these is a convicted felon. http://ow.ly/7UYmc

Its Friday Night!! Do you know where your "kids" are?

"Here's your armor. It doesn't stop anything now, but we're working on it." -New Stormtrooper Orientation

Trying 2 make a break for it.

Best backyard fire no 1 saw.

♬ burning down the house♬ almost.

Dogs walk on water!

If at first you don’t succeed, politics IS for you.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Taking turns keeping kittens warm.

Hating the hater makes you a hater also. Let the hating begin.

TIME Magazine names Occupy Wall Street the top US news story of 2011 http://ping.fm/wYnC6 #ows

You're allowed to have your opinion as long as you realize I'm allowed to disagree with it.

Dear Santa:
I only have one wish this year. Please give the GOP a brain.

I think that at this point it'd probably be easiest just to fake my own death and start over.

I'm beginning to see the dark at the start of the tunnel.

99%ers art: http://occuprint.org

Today, I'm declaring War against Gravity. Please pull for me.

All I want for Christmas is a bell so I can make lots of money like the man outside Wal-mart.

Guy with a $20 bill sticking out of his fly. Pretty smart of him trying to capitalize on the fact that women can't resist blowing money.

Women: The only flaw with the perfect man is that he has no need of a wife.

I miss Herman Cain already. The joke pool dwindling.

RP: "We were told all igloos must be permitted" http://ping.fm/INE3N #OccupyAnchorage #ows

RP: List of ASSHOLE Senators who voted YES on the bill legalizing the detention of Americans without trial. http://ping.fm/oSKsy

"Mic Check!!"

Who wants kittens in 8 weeks or there appetizers. (Licking chops)

Hageys cat is a slut 5 more kittens.

Every time a Celine Dion song plays, an angel gets shot...TWICE!

According to her nipples, it is really fucking cold in here right now.

Apparently "never being able to forgive myself" was easier than I had thought.

I'm so bipolar, I love hating myself.

I love you. I hate you. I Love You. I Hate You.....

Sometimes I like to use my powers for good rather than evil, and then there's the other 98%

A Call to People & Police – The Senate Passed a Bill Today Officially Turning America Into a “Police State” http://ping.fm/ryx3p

Bloomberg was quoted saying "I have my own army in the NYPD." http://ping.fm/PG7M8 Can I see your receipt, please

RP: Movers and Sheriff's deputies refuse to evict 103 yr old from her home. http://ping.fm/YZ4Jf

BREAKING: McDonalds hamburgers are only 15% "Real Beef", the other 85% is meat filler cleansed with Ammonia which causes colon cancer.

RP GOP "may have voted No on these tax cuts once. But I’m already filled w/the Christmas spirit..we're gonna give them another chance"

I'm just a guy believing in something that will never happen.

RP KeithO: If Cain drops out, some of his advisers will join up with Bachmann and many of his mistresses will switch over to Gingrich.

RT @KeithOlbermann: Cain Confesses!: RT @TheFix "Stupid people are ruining America." -- Herman Cain. Yes. YES!

I want to have a guy follow me around and play music when people are talking too long. like they do at awards show.

It's funny how the news wants me to stay around until 11 for the forecast. As if I didn't have 100 other ways to get that info in seconds.

Advice from a farmer: "Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.”

I'm really good in bed.....I stay on my side and rarely steal all the covers.

Hate is the only freedom I have left!

I just wanna make a lot of money and not do very much, is that so wrong?

When ever I see something described as "Hawaiian", I picture it covered in ham and pineapple. Mmmm Pizza

I had the best childhood, so naturally I would fuck up as an adult.

Sometimes I hide weed for later, but I think it must be for really, really, really later on because I can never find it.

Pepper sprayed people, smashed & grab looters & bloody scenes. How did Black Friday get so crazy?

leaked #NYPD "Disorder Control Unit" doc. If they only followed it. http://ping.fm/kSCZr

Undercover NYPD Cop Gets in Liberty Plaza. http://ping.fm/AsedJ

Things that make u go HUH? http://ow.ly/7FmLz

UPDATED: Spreadsheet documenting arrests. New Total: 4773. http://ow.ly/7FmGG

RP: This Black Friday thing has been going on all day and these shoppers still have no clear, consistent message or leader.

Once the deals run out there's nothing left to do but smash and grab from cars in the mall parking lot. I need a lookout.

The Beginning Is Near! http://ping.fm/23cCY

The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don't care if you get the last.... HELP!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

Breaking News: CA police officials have secured the #OccupyOakland porta-potties. I repeat: the shitters are safe http://ping.fm/LPTJP

Ok to occupy if u plan on buying something, but if ur trying to make country better, ur getting evicted.

Don't forget to treat those retail workers like they're beneath you.

It's pretty racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.

This Occupy Wall Street thing is getting out of control.People are camping out in front of electronic stores tonight. #OccupyBestBuy wtf?!

Let the madness begin!!

Bad Tday Joke: Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

As predicted: front page photo in NYT today show tents set up overnight outside a Best Buy--no hassle from cops or store. #OWS

Just to be clear: It's still cool to camp in public spaces in America, so long as you're planning to BUY a new TV. #occupy #blackfriday

Those jerks camping out at Best Buy get hungry too so feed 'em a helping of pepper spray right before the doors open.

"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." Jay Leno

You know you had a good shit if after you flush, your toilet burps.

Bad Tday Joke: Teacher: "Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?"
Student: "Maybe they missed their plane."

"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants." Kevin James

Is thankful for the 4,000+ protestors who have been arrested to help lift the veil of financial lies from Americans' eyes #ows #thanksgiving

Bad Tday Joke: What do Hippies put on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
Groovy

Bad Tday Joke: What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble

Bad Tday Joke: What's a turkey's favorite song?
"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

This is what occupy means to me: (video) http://ping.fm/lgNVJ ”everybody wants to live a life of meaning.“

Bad Tday Joke: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Why do the Lions and Cowboys always play on Thanksgiving Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

Try not to think about it, but somewhere there's a car full of ready-to-talk relatives headed to your door :o

Bad Tday Jokes: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
I'll tell you at Christmas

Bad Tday Joke: How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
The male is the one holding the remote control.

Happy T-day!

Once a year, on the day before Thanksgiving, every grocery store in America turns into Walmart.

German Mercedes-Benz Executive Arrested Under Alabama's New Immigration Law, Oops. http://ping.fm/lVJtA

Doctor Who: 48 facts for the 48th anniversary. http://ping.fm/IphQE

THIS DAY in HISTORY: 1963. Happy Bday Doctor who(s)!

Why buy American? - Made in USA. http://ping.fm/D6QdV

The Relationship Status Update. http://ping.fm/a6vgv

I don't really remember why I filled the bathtub with gasoline, but here we are. Oh, it must be Monday.

Its snowing.

Awww, lazy Sunday. Reading "Mockingjay" bk 3 of the "Hunger Games" series. Love it!

Furniture Made in the USA. http://ping.fm/El10o

Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars? If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read?

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." MLK

RP: @occupyarrests 4,542 Americans have been arrested so far. About 4000 Iranians were arrested in '09. http://is.gd/cl6L1v

A tigress was depressed at losing her cubs, so the zoo did this for her. http://ping.fm/4HS8S

"Caughlin" Fire Burning Nearly 400 Acres, 20 Homes Lost. w/video http://ping.fm/6qrlQ

Woke up to parts of Reno on fire. http://ping.fm/Cgoq6

What Fox misinforming there viewers? http://ping.fm/tfzOM

WHAT!! No App For That?

Newt Gingrich's ill-fated liaison with Freddie Mac. http://ping.fm/Bwc4X

I've outsourced the 'being kind to others' part of my life to India. It's saving money and really letting me be me.

What's happening in New York Thursday? http://ping.fm/DrHo7

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Mmmm, sour grapes.

Why occupy wall street needs Michael Bloomberg. http://ping.fm/EqFYH

Somebody got Monday all over my Tuesday.

Okay Monday, you can move along now.

Felling peaceful, calm, happy? What the hell is wrong with me!

Made in the USA Products Directory. http://ping.fm/D7dkg http://ping.fm/pr86v
Toys Made In America. http://ping.fm/79B4o

CarPool Lane: Does the tiny person who lives in my GPS count as a passenger?

"Lite sweater weather" OR "It's not going to kill the baby if you leave it in the car weather.” Same difference.

http://ping.fm/g5Le3

http://ping.fm/IWTfg

A Small Tax Change Can Bring U.S. Veterans Needed Jobs. http://ow.ly/7qPS7

Veterans Day: What you need to know. http://ping.fm/l68Wf

Have you thanked a Veteran today?

All I can say is, Thank You!
http://ping.fm/9ERAx

14 Veterans Day Freebies for Those Who Served.

http://ping.fm/4XAMe

I'm looking to hire someone to go find better jobs for the both of us.

Have you Ever Noticed That after Mon and Tues. even the calendar says W T F!!

Karma Sutra: When fate fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

When Bear Grylls drinks his own urine he's amazing/a man/a stud, but if I do it I'm no longer allowed to attend party's.

Fall back spring forward daylight savings

Big bank or Small bank? Tomorrow, 5th of November, is Bank Transfer Day. http://ping.fm/gK0w2

Car rams airplane. http://ping.fm/9f9UR

Your ass loves me so much it dialed my phone when you sat down

It's snowing in Reno/Sparks Nv

Friend: "Everybody makes mistakes"
Me: That's not true.
I know plenty of people who don't have children.

I just told a friend he's old because everytime he sits, stands or moves he makes a groaning noise. Do I do that¿?

Support the troops with your old games. http://ping.fm/JT0zT

No shave November. Ladies need not participate. http://ping.fm/1CX7H

Celebrities don't fascinate me as much as....okay, celebrities don't fascinate me period. I have my own life.

My new mantra is "BUY AMERICAN" yes you're going to see it here a lot get used to it spread the word. To my international friend bear with me.

Ran out of candy giving away whip-its ...I mean money!

2 day the world reached 7,000,000,000 in population. I like 7 of you... No...5 of you. No...

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living." Jonathan S. Foer

Protesters sleeping in park: health hazard, families sleeping in streets: safe, Wall St. in bed with politicians: priceless

Test

Happy Valentine. http://ping.fm/FaW5M