I don't know who thought it was a good idea to get up before noon on weekends, but I'm gonna hunt them down and kill their coffee.

It’s amazing how big a person’s eyes will get when you run up to them with a stick and yell Piñata!

This playground is bullshit. All the Moms are ugly.

Yesterday three people told me how nice I am. Today my goal is to fix that shit.

Haha! Can you believe there are losers getting laid right now while the cool people post about it?

Newt Gingrich is literally one marriage and a drug bust from being Rush Limbaugh.

If Men are from Mars & Women form Venus we need stricter immigration policies

Great never-before-seen photos of New York from 100 years ago. http://ping.fm/utA5k

You should be able to eat as much free candy as you want while the cashier is changing the receipt printer paper.

Most men don't care if you swallow. Like everything else, they're just happy they don't have to clean it up.

Movie night, Alexander Revisited

Stoners seem like they're not too bright.
But ask them about weed and they turn into a walking Wikipedia.

4/20, what is that?