The person I want to be is always overruled by the person I actually am.

"....Unplug from your chairs, get up and look in the mirror....We're not meant to experience the world through a machine." Movie Surrogates

Whenever I forget the difference between ethics and morals, I remember I wrote the answer in that book I stole from the church library.

In dance club/bar & some random guy just asked Manuel how old he was. Okay he does look young.

She's a bitch, but guys still bother because she's got a great ass. I guess for some guys the end DOES justify the mean.

Not in the mood 2go out but, Manuel wants2 go dancing. Janes going to the movies with friends. Clubbing it is! Coffee, need COFFEE!

'Who Dat' origins http://ow.ly/12aRq NFL claims trademark infringement on "Who Dat"

I'm going to stop procrastinating ....tomorrow

The word "procrastination" is sooooooo long.

If his sex addiction therapy doesn't work Tiger is so totally screwed.

The Sun, The Sun I'm Melting, I'm Melting.

Friends wouldn't let me post while having drinks, so I had to wait until I got home to call them assholes in this post.

If I could choose to be any race I would pick Amazing.

Marijuana Superstore. iGrow a new full service kind of big warehouse store with a doctor on premises.

CBS: Anti-Abortion Ads During Super Bowl Okay, Gay Dating Ads Are Not
http://ping.fm/FvWun

Poll: Will the Apple iPad Fly or Will It Die? http://ow.ly/11SrI

If you're going to print the GOP solutions manual offline, you will need AT LEAST 60 sheets of paper in your printer. http://ping.fm/qbvix

Fox News cuts from Obama Q&A w/House GOPers as O says he's having "fun."

Backup your online life. FREE Backupify.com accounts ends Jan, 31st

lets try this sleep thing agin

3am been tossing and turning for the last 1 half hr. Finally decided to get up.

Looking for a Gizmo5 Invite/account. Thanks

Palin says Obama violated 'separation of powers' by criticizing SCOTUS ruling on Corp./1st Amend. during speech. Really, Sarah - REALLY?!

McDonnell, "last thing we need is big gov" Hey (R) Where was all this big gov talk the last decade? And who are the random people of color?!

Obama just Signed An Autograph for Jean Schmidt (R). The world is coming to an end

God Bless OUR troops. Anything for them!

Ooooooh Supreme Court, got called out!

"In the United States of America none should go broke because they chose to go to collage"- Obama

Apple Fanboys shoot their load!

Prediction: Republicans at-arms about due-process, at least over James O'Keefe.

You might not know this but, I'm really a ultra-conservative, ultra-religious zealot, who wears bow ties.

You might not know this but, I'm really a ultra-conservative, ultra-religious zealot, who wears bow ties.

How many roads must a man walk down before he remembers where he parked?

This "Speedy" checkout is moving as fast as granny on top of grandpa.

Oh, I think I've attracted the attention of security as i'm 'people watching' more than shopping...exit stage right (or thr reading my post)

I'm having a hard time reading this girl's body language. Her breasts keep stuttering.

To the lady staring hopelessly while your demon child tears apart the store. There's a sl-app for that.

shouldn't walmart's parking lots be over 50% handicapped parking?

Feeling a little bored .....ROAD TRIP! WalMart here I come, it's always an adventure. Stay tuned.

Burger King: Want a BEER with those fries? http://ping.fm/pdVSi

Working on the logistics of Valentine's Day. Yes, I said 'logistics or schedule' of...

The weather today is cloudy with a chance of free car wash.

The oddest at the end funny & sad thing just happened. Have to wait till on real keyboard to till u.

Lunch with friends!

Question that made my Sunday school teacher mad: "Which part of Jesus am I eating?" (yes, I went to church......once upon a time)

What trance music lacks in soul, it makes up for in rich white people on drugs

Hey, this is how we keep things new and exciting

Naked Movie Night!

Brangelina say it aint so! Okay I really dont care. http://ping.fm/lojDk

It'sss Baaack. Puppy Cam The Sequel. http://ping.fm/uEHjJ

Muscles tighten up, can't stand up. *Help* Snowboarding really did my in. No going out tonight.

Go Kiwiburn! Wishing you all the best *kiwiburn.com Don't forget the pictures 4 the rest of us.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I just pretend that the answers I do have are correct.

Another good day for snowboarding. But, have to call it a day. If I try one more run I may finish it on my butt.

I’m really starting to get into Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show. I'm going to add it to my Tivo schedule.

¿¿"Professional sex worker"?? Are we taking this political correctness too far?

Had a great time snowboarding, fresh powder, sunny day, wow! Need to dry off and get warm

What this day needs is tonight.

Drove my nabors kid to school only to realize there was a 2hr late start. He should have dressed warmer. He looked cold, sitting on the curb

In case you forgot, your not the only one. Today is the 'National Day of Strike. http://ping.fm/ekezl

Tiger Woods' sex rehab clinic prohibits masturbation while in treatment. And with that, "penalty strokes" just took on a whole new meaning.

Questions That Defy Scientific Explanation: "Reality shows" ...are we that tired of our own life's?

Can't I have a burrito in my pocket AND be happy to see you?

Things that make you go hmmm: Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked?? It’s not like your clothes die too…

I'm watching my dog lick itself and can't help remembering when I could do that too. I mean when I was fixable... I mean... never mind.

Don't you hate it when time travelers from the future want a photo with you but then refuse to say why they're pointing & laughing at you?

Random thoughts: Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

LOVE IS: watching the Golden Globes because she wants too

Maybe it was a little premature to start hiking. Muddy trails.

Time to start working off the pound acquired during the holidays. First hike of the year here I come.

House/Dog sitting for brother: "Feed the dog. Trash pick-up is Monday, and don't screw in my bed."

I'm not skipping church. I'm telecommunioning.

New product idea 'Social lubrication' for when you're hanging out with a bunch of assholes.

People are great ...until you get to know them.

Hanging out with a couple of 21 year olds and I just stopped myself from making an amazing Life Goes On reference.

Not in the mood but, going out with Manuel and some of his friends. Yea, I'll be the oldest one there.

Okay, it was the announcers how they took it so seriously describing every move the lines, the space, the.....I was hypnotized

Ever released you've been staring at the TV for 5min and realized why? Just been there......International Dancesport World Championships

Just saw Sarah Palin on Fox News. And just like that, Glen Beck seems a little smarter. but, not by much

Backup your online Accounts for free Twitter, Facebook etc. Free Account Giveaway ends Jan 31. *backupify.com

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

No, the Doomsday Clock is not the clock that counts down the minutes until Oprah goes off the air.

So I still use the smoke detector as an oven-timer. Come on I can't be the only one?

kdijfls iekd;s;dd sdfaelo v itleid eoslieslkx ortd;orjyes.......Ooooops...Sorry, forgot to take my oven mitts off.

I EATED TWO MANNY COOKY DOES.

Going to make cookies from scratch. Now, where did I but that disambiguation?

If folding a whole pizza in half and eating it like a giant taco is wrong, then let me be wrong.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Scientists today set the Doomsday Clock back one minute. http://ping.fm/vHcgI

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

Hanging out with old people in the coffee shop and discussing "good old times".

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

A spider crawled across the floor. Jane called me in from the next room to kill it because she couldn't reach it while standing on the chair

Even if babies came with an instructional manual, men still wouldn't read it.

Questions That Defy Scientific Explanation: Why is there more than 1 Baldwin Brother?

Random thoughts: Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

I give myself really excellent little pep talks. "Yeah, you can do it! Cook the shit outta that rice!"

Friends kid at my house "Dad I couldn't wash my hands. I kept waving my hands in front of the knob, but the water not come on" kids today.

Is it odd of me that I would like to design/make my own urn? Thinking wood, simple. Any ideas welcomed?

Random thoughts: Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

Things that make you go "Hmmm" How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Things that make you go "Hmmm" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

High on Bleach

Plumber just left, drains all clear. Going to bleach everything (drains, floor, plungers, me etc)

Mcfly hello, are you there "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging."

This Latin coffee is nice and hot, full bodied, and with a slightly nutty taste, just like Manu... ...never mind.

3:30am I'm going to need a lot of coffee in the morning.

2:15am still up cant sleep. Going 2 start cleaning. (oh no....not that!)

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I think the way I'm eating this banana is making everyone uncomfortable. I should probably at least take a bite.

The murder rate went down ten percent in the first half of 2009. It's as if the entire city of Detroit has just given up.

My neighbors Ken doll gave me body issues as a kid. I had no idea how to hide my penis like that.

Drain clogged have to go to hardware store.

No seriously, on Twinkies box. How do you keep a straight face even REFERRING to it as 'Nutritional Information'? mmmm twinkies

When I get caught picking my nose, I tell them that I'm just practicing my fingering, that way they think I'm wicked sexy!

Manuel has morning sickness (His twin sister is pregnant)

If my friends want me to get over my inferiority complex, they should stop being better than me ...at everything.

I probably could've ran 20 miles if I actually got off the couch. Lazy Sunday.

Ice cream is better served cold... with bananas. ...and nuts. ....and whipped cream. and of course syrup. ...and..... mmmm..... ice cream.

It smells like tacos in here, but I see no tacos for me to eat. This is worse than being waterboarded.

Just used my phone to record Jane snoring. She'd kill me if I ever played this in front of her friends. So... I guess this is goodbye.

Peeing outside on a icy cold day is invigorating...plus your penis pulls itself back into your pants.

Friend keeps complaining about how cold it is. I tell him…it ain't cold until your dick is the same length as your nipples.

When she asked, "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me a while to realize it wasn't a hypothetical question.

As my girlfriend doesn't like me to mention her by name therefore, hensforth she will be called 'Jane'.

I went back in time and accidentally killed the guy that invented the flying car. Sorry

Looking back on last year I can say one thing with certainty. Discipline and self-control are over-rated.

I think I'll pass out now....Happy New Year! *thump*

Use "damn it" instead of "dammit," but avoid cursing unless OH SHIT DAMN IT WHO FORGOT TO GET FUCKING COFFEE.

Sorry, Officer, I can't be expected to walk that white line without a net under it. Not in my condition.

Don't cry over spilled milk. And broken eggs. And a violated ham. And-FINE, I'LL LEAVE. This isn't the only grocery store in town, you know.

I may be a little off base here, but I don't think the point of those personal breathalyzers is trying to beat your old score. I WIN!!!

The bottle is half drunk and so am I.

!!!!!HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!